I found these notes recently. I wrote them immediately after my first ketamine medicine session. My first medicine session and my world was about to be cracked open and I did not know it.

For my intentions I wrote- Joy, playfulness, reconnect with who I am, Daughter, I am enough.

After lying on my mat I wrote,

Water, blue sky, sand,

surf, ocean,

music, love, piano.

Oneness

Surrounded by sound- pulsing

Music in me

Love for family

Warmth, together, joy

Ravi Shankar

Lying on the floor listening to

records.

Safety

girl spinning, circles sun

*breath is everything

beautiful sensation

This is what the threshold looks like when you try to write it down. Not coherent. Not a breakthrough narrative. Just water and music and a growing sense of I am enough.

In the weeks after this I was looking for something to help me live forward from what I'd touched and for a way to hold onto a knowing that felt important but was fading like a dream that felt wonderful and tangible but soon after waking you no longer had the words to describe it.

Many of us come back from these experiences looking for the same thing, something to help us hold what we touched. What did you reach for?